Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
