Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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