I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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