There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
