There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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