you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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