My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
