New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Randomize
