oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
