I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
