Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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