My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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