the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
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