? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
