3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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