I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
