make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
