HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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