Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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