I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize