I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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