There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
