Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
