but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
