good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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