also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
