Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
