I don't usually arrange sex via text message
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
