He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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