I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
