is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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