he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
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Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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