I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
