allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
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I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
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OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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