Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
