Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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