Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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