I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
