guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
