How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
