You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
