I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
