wakey wakey hands off snakey
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
