Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
