watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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