I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
