FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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