you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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