I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
