he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
