There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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