Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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