He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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