You smell like a Billy Joel song
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
