hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize
