You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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