I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
