At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
