3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
