Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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