I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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