Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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