I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
