Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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