hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
