isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My vagina is very pro this idea
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
