He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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