I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
