So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
