When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
