Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
