HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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