Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
