proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
