I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
