The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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