The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
